They Grow Up So Fast

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It’s true. Children really do grow up in the blink of an eye.

In the morning of March 28th, 2019, we welcomed Meredith Camille to our family. She has been a great joy to all of us, and is gracing us with baby coos and social smiles aplenty. She’ll be six weeks old this Thursday, and I’ve already had to pack away all her newborn sized clothes in exchange for 3-6 month sizes. It seems too soon for that, and in some ways it is. Meri was born almost a full pound heavier and two inches longer than her older sister. They are/were both such similar babies, and yet so entirely different at the same time. I look at my children and can’t help but believe in magic.

If you’ve been following me on Instagram, you’ll know I’ve been dealing with postpartum anxiety (mostly in the form of insomnia) for the past couple weeks. It’s been a rough phase, but honestly, the pregnancy and birth were rough too. To get through it all, I have kept an unwavering eye on the light at the end of the tunnel. The last thing I want to do is wish this time away. This bleary-eyed, sleep-deprived, whirlwind season of our lives has its charms, and I’m doing my best to live in the moment, but I know - I know - things get easier with time.

Last night, in the quiet moments before falling asleep, I had the realization that I had made it past the worst of it: the 24/7 “morning” sickness, the fatigue, the debilitating pelvic pain, the bulk of the c-section recovery, the bitter disappointment of a failed 50-hour trial of labor, and the horrible, itchy rash from a rare diagnosis of postpartum PUPPPs that lasted for 2+ weeks and threatened to undo me completely.

I realized I had spent the bulk of the day alone yesterday with both my girls while my husband was at work, and my body, though still a bit shaky, felt capable again. My mind, though still anxious, was able to slow down and take in the sunshine. And despite the lack of sleep, I felt alert and present.

I realized I had done it. I’d finally reached the point in all of this where I could reconnect with myself again. And once I realized this, I broke down and started crying because holy hell, that was a lot harder than I thought it would be.

But she was worth it.