Early Spring Cleaning (A Quick Update)

happy mountain sweater tip
sixpence socks
happy mountain sweater

Hello friends. It has been quiet here in this space for a long time, but it’s time to dust off the cobwebs and settle myself in with a cup of tea and a cozy blanket. It’s still winter here, but you wouldn’t know it with all the beautiful, almost-warm sunshine and spring blooms outside. Seasons arrive when they want to, regardless of the date on the calendar.

In the past several months, natural dyeing has taken over my life in the best possible way. Actually, I shouldn’t say it has taken over. Rather, it has nestled its way in like a long lost friend or a missing puzzle piece, and has brought color into my neutral-loving life in a way I could never have imagined. Suddenly something I initially thought of as supplementary to my other seasonal occupations - my gardening, knitting and kitchen experiments - has become an obsession in its own right. It’s part of our lives now, and it fits right in.

Last year in October, I made a giant, break-out-of-my-introverted-shell decision and started a video podcast on YouTube to share about my growing interest in fiber-related work. It’s something I had been mulling over for a long time, and it required a lot of emotional preparation before, during and after my first couple episodes (I had to occasionally hide from my phone and computer), but I finally feel comfortable and confident in my decision to put myself out there through the podcast, and I’ve never felt more connected to the fiber community than I do now.

So while the blog has been mostly quiet until now, I have been very busy. The cogs in my mind have been steadily turning, especially over the past six months. I have so many ideas and plans to document and share with you here, and now that spring has arrived, my fingers are itching to dig in the dirt, plant seeds, experiment with plant colors + fibers, and knit (always).

So, for the next few months, you can expect posts about many of the things that have already happened but never saw the reflections they deserved interspersed with some of the newer projects I’m working on now. And for those of you who used to follow me on blogspot, I just want to let you know that I’ve made that blog and all its content private, but I will occasionally re-publish some of the projects or recipes from its archives over to this space whenever it seems relevant. If there was a recipe on that site that you miss, just send me an e-mail or fill out the contact form here and I'll respond as soon as I can. 

Lastly, I started a new group on Ravelry! Please join us if you'd like to chat about anything fiber-related, kitchen experiments, natural dye, or even if you just want to come say hi. 

A Slow and Simple Life

This has been a hard post to write. I’ve been wrestling around with how to approach it for the past two weeks because, on one hand, I think it’s important to talk about the reasons why I choose this lifestyle because slow and simple living is the foundation for everything else I write and share here. On the other hand, it’s impossible to discuss my reasons without getting personal, and while I’ve never had a problem opening up about myself in the past, I have, over time, realized the value of discretion. So I’m hoping I can strike a good balance that remains authentic and succinct without compromising my boundaries.

To start, here is some relevant information about me: I suffer from depression and anxiety. I am an HSP and an introvert. I have difficulty with things like making eye contact or articulating thoughts in large groups and new spaces, not because I’m shy, but because I’m trying to cope with and filter through a barrage of invisible stimuli. And although I do a pretty good job with managing my depression and anxiety on a day-to-day basis, I find myself dipping low sometimes. Whenever that happens, I have to drop what I’m doing and prioritize me-time to get myself back to a healthier state of mind.

This list of issues so easily summarized in one single paragraph has taken me 32 years to grasp, and along the path toward understanding has been a lot of confusion, pain, damaged or broken relationships, a shattered sense of self, and days and weeks and months of feeling out of place. It has been a long journey toward self-acceptance, which is why I feel compelled to write about it. Because even though my disabilities have often led to feelings of isolation, I know I’m not the only one who suffers from them. Not by a long shot. And once I began to understand that these things were part of me and weren’t just going to disappear, I was able to finally take measures to heal and explore new ways of living that were and are more in tune with my nature.

So, in 2010 I started a blog (with blogspot) to document my learning process with gardening, cooking and making things by hand, all of which was completely new to me at the time, yet so compelling that it felt like a calling. I didn’t have the words “simple living” in mind back when I started all of this, but the concept of it formed for me over time.

And it’s not original or new. Over the past six years, I’ve connected with a whole community of folks through social media who live simple lives for one reason or another. Some of them struggle with the same issues I do and some of them don’t, but for whatever reason, we are united in our calling, and silly as it may sound, it helps to know that we aren’t alone

Nowadays, living a slow and simple life is much more than just an experiment or a trend. I live this way and keep coming back to it because it keeps me healthy and allows me to thrive. And although I sometimes get swept up in the way life is “supposed” to look, or don’t pay attention to the red flags telling me that it’s time to slow down, I always know that my path toward balance and health is through a focus on the fundamentals. Making my living spaces calm and inspiring, eating good, whole foods that nourish me, spending time outdoors or with good friends, interacting with my daughter, working with my hands and investing time in myself. 

Simple.

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But when you're out in daily life, among the pressures and people who are caught up in the 9-5, Keeping Up with the Joneses culture, it can be very difficult to go against the grain. It can be especially hard to protect yourself from cynicism and negativity without sticking out like a sore thumb and making yourself a target. And it can be hard to take the time for yourself to heal without pissing off your boss or offending the people you care about who don't understand your need for alone time.

In my experience, depression and introvertedness are not very well understood issues, and most people have never even heard of HSPs (highly sensitive people). The resources for those of us who suffer with such things are out there, but they are difficult to find, especially if you're afraid to admit that you are suffering with something that carries so much stigma.

I can only hope that discussing this openly, without shame and despite fear of judgment, will help someone who was in the same position I was in before I got the help I needed. That if you are feeling hopeless, there are options for you. You can be happy, you can thrive, and you can find a way of being that works for you and helps you manage your stress. Slow and simple living is the answer for me. What's the answer for you?